6pm // unedited
I struggle with believing. Saturn is in Pisces for me. and yet with Jupiter in Sagittarius, I want and yearn so much to believe and believe. I want to be a person of faith and full trust in life.
Tonight I’m working on delineating a chart for a loved one. We’re going to have a love reading tomorrow — I’m utilizing the whole sign house system for this interpretation.
The thing is, I remember when we first decided to hunt for their birth time. After an interesting phone call where their mom gave an hour’s span estimation of their birth time, I cast their chart twice, one with the earliest possible time and the second with latest possible time. This placed the chances of their rising sign between two zodiac signs, Aries and Taurus. It seemed more likely that it was Taurus, because the time mom estimated was of the Taurus Asc, but her uncertainty meant I couldn’t possibly rule out Aries. At the time I wondered if I could do a birth time rectification. I had studied quite a lot about it, and even experimented successfully with my own chart, but I suddenly felt uncertain and didn’t want to overestimate my abilities, especially where another person’s chart was involved. Now though I think it’s because I never feel I know all I should know, even when I do know. I remember considering how memory intensive the process is, and how much time and effort is required of all parties during. My rectification took so many weeks, and even then I didn’t need to go back forth with anyone but myself and sometimes family. Now I can’t help but think I should have just done it anyway. Because while preparing for this reading, I feel I can’t be fully certain that the planets are placed in the right houses. I see the difference in how easily I interpret the planetary significations versus how instinctively I hesitate with solidifying their positions in houses.
In recent time, I have felt and observed many synchronicities in my day to day living, and find myself surrounded by people who are also experiencing synchronicities quite often in their own way. Reoccurring themes and symbols are all about and around me and the way the plot goes, it’s like no matter what is happening, everything submits to a divine flow of life. It should be enough, but I struggle with believing.
While hesitating over a section just now, a sentence burst forth within my mind. “Everything goes, where it should go, it all comes when it should come.” I understand that I can only know what brings itself forth to me. If this was the birth time we received, I need to trust that I received what I should.
But. I’m struggling